Lets begin. The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineers chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. Yo mama so dirty, her house was mistaken for a landfill. And all you sons of bitches who are. It comes in sizes from Small to X-Large so it is actually the perfect T-shirt for couples! 40. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. I guess that's why I like monorails so much! He was there come train or shine. He lost on points. Read on to have a good laugh and learn a joke or two to share withyour friends and family. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. But I warn you, sometimes when people wake me up, I get really violent, but no matter what I do or say, you have to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Later, as the man had said, he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized he was in Frankfurt. Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train? 89. 98. 70. Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? You can see its tracks! A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesnt go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought. She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!" "Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!". 25. The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work. 88. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. It comes in a variety of sizes from Small to 3X-Large and is made 100% out of cotton. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); 20. Swinging a large bag, a young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb aboard, gasping for air. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. Hes my arch enemy.I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. 12. 3. Young Gordon was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Reading station when they heard a whistle. Sir, we dont stop at Victoria, the collector said. 22. Q: Why is that train engine humming?A: It doesnt know the words. Best 100 Train Jokes, Railways Puns & Funny Laws! - Toy Train Center Two Blondes Why are ghosts no good at running a railway?A. Not right now, Im having a poop, I shouted back. The man starts running in mid-air. Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but it doesnt help, he punches a hole in the new one. 42. people look at you funny as they drive by while you are standing out in the middle of nowhere by a railroad track with a tripod and a camera. It was enough to drive you loco.I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting sidetracked.What do you call a sick locomotive?A train with a coal-d.How do you make the locomotive Olympics?Train really hard.The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train.They suspected the culprit had a locomotive.Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning.Right at the track of dawn.Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams.The train company had safety issues for years but was always able to cover its tracks.When things look bad you just have to keep calm and carriage on.The conductors mailbox is always stuffed with letters. Did you hear that theyre making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?Yeah, they call it Vin Diesel. Every detail needs to be kept track of. 20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile | Beano.com Q: What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?A: A LOCOmotive. At your age, I could catch the train by a gnats whisker and still be fresh. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts the man right back into the train! He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station.When the train reached Chicago, the mans co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire trip.The man replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. If you like and want to read more train jokes, below is a compilation you can read through: These are some of the humorous, fun and exciting jokes about a train and a train toy could bring. Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. In South Carolina railroad companies may be held liable for scaring horses. 21. Everyone had on platforms. I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. In the good old days, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.No matter where you are, youll never see happy railroad tracks. Happy got out, so she started feeling Grumpy. Why cant trains sit down? They have complete tunnel vision. Are you looking for a great gift for your boyfriend, father, or husband? I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sons train set by myself. Hes made it! What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? Cow Jokes - Bull Jokes - Jokes4us.com Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel. Q: Why is the railroad angry? Neither. I guess that's why I like monorails so much! Q: Why dont elephants like to ride on trains?A: Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car. Did we catch up with the cow?, 58. Not a bunch, herd, her friend replied. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. A large two engine train was crossing America. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train. At a station stop, the railroads president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. Q: Whats the difference between a teacher and a train guard?A: One trains the mind, the other minds the train. I wasnt surprised to see every person there was wearing platforms.Remember the good old days of railways, when everyone had plenty of esteem. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.Your parents just left you, said the stationmaster. Its always great working with a train conductor. Beano Jokes Team Last Updated: August 11th 2022 This is the announcement for all passengers on platform 4. Train puns and jokes are surprisingly funny. A bulldozer; Why don't trees use the train? Q: Why was the Model Railroader tossed out of the party?A: He spiked the punch. If you thought we were on the right track with these hilarious puns and jokes about trains, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. I dont believe you, can you slide it under the door? He snapped back annoyedly. 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. 50 Chooga, Chug, and Chuff Funny Train Puns and Jokes A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. 23. One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!" The toy train - Little Johnny Jokes - CrocJokes.com Choose your size on Amazon! Response to passenger complaint about increased sleeping car fares:The berth rate has gone up since your last trip., 78. If you're not offended easily, these dirty jokes from Ask Reddit will have you busting a gut laughing. By Mlanie Berliet Updated April 25, 2023. Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams! Train Jokes - Puns And One Liners Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, cant you go any faster?Oh, yes sir replied the driver, but Im not allowed to leave the train., 49. Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning? A chew chew train! One-Liners in Spanish These are funny S panish jokes that you can say in a single line or as a response. Q: What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?A: Oh good! A railfan was walking along the tracks when he came across an old lantern covered with ash and dirt. In West Virginia, it was once illegal to sleep on a train. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. As I was on the train on the way home last night, I thought hat a good topic for this week's puns and one-liners would be train jokes, so here are a collection of railway related gags. 48 Hilarious Train Puns - Punstoppable Railroad workers arent what they used to be. Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. Young Woman 90. Id like to share with you a list of hilarious train jokes that I put together specifically for people who need a good laugh. Because they arent conductors.How did the locomotive get so good at its job? How do you find a missing train? What a cute bunch of cows! she remarked. Dont hesitate to contact us if you do and we are looking forward to hearing from you. Q: Why did the railroad magnate choose a name for his railroad that had a single letter abbreviation, S?A: So that when his box car rolled by everyone would say Hey! 86. When they board the train the three Irishmen cram into a bathroom and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.Congratulations, the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. The prices range from below $10 to slightly over $25, depending on size. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. Joke #3864. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: How can you tell a train just went by?A. I swear train conductors never get in trouble. As hes helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, Man youre lucky I was here to help! A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track. Follow the tracks. There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. This is an awesome gift for that friend or sibling of yours whos into math and science. Hilarious Train Jokes That Will Make You Laugh - YellowJokes.com 50. "Wipe it off and say you're sorry." Max_W_ 3. Searching for train puns and jokes? 68+ Laughter Train Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity Lets skip sidings and go for double tracks from Honolulu to LA. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. A mother was working in the kitchen and her son was playing in his. The T-shirt is 100% cotton, comes in sizes from Small to 2-XL, and can be easily cleaned with machine cold wash. Its an electric train. He first punches a hole in the new bulb. I obviously took the ex-press train back home.I went to a railway fancy dress party at the weekend. 9. 19. Hes running at 30 MPH. He had to keep track of everything! Q: What did Thomas say after Gordon helped him out of the mineshaft?A: Tank you, Choo awesome. Best dirty jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 955 Dirty jokes He doesnt care that he cant drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one.